I am a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist in New York. After practicing for three decades with children, teens, and adults I have found today’s political climate is feeling threatening to many people I treat. While many children and adults who suffer from anxiety disorders seek treatment with psychotherapy and often medication, recently I am finding children and adults are reporting increased anxiety due to what they are hearing in the news.
Author • Psychoanalyst • Artist
Stages in Adolescence: Early, Middle and Late
Understanding stages in adolescence is very important to parents when they want to comprehend what their teens are going through. Their chronological age may not correspond to their developmental age so perceptions may be different than what is expected.
Early Adolescence
Early adolescence is a time when kids begin to separate from their parents internally and physically. This creates a kind of loss for kids who may be despondent without knowing why. To find realistic disappointments in parents who have seemed so influential and authoritative is a shift in the teen’s understanding of themselves in relation to their parents. Reality sets in. Parents aren’t perfect and powerful. It’s important for parents to recognize the change without feeling badly about it but in fact learning to collaborate more with their child in solving problems.
Who Knows Your Child Best? You Do!
How Parents Foster Positive Emotional Development
Becoming a keen observer of your child may go even further in fostering positive emotional development than self-help articles, parenting books, and parenting websites and blogs. As a writer of all of those, it may seem surprising for me make this suggestion, but you’re the one who spends the most time with your child, was there from the beginning, can track changes in moods, social encounters, learning styles, and interests in activities.
So, who can learn to be a better judge of your child’s emotional well-being than you?
What Should DADS Do for New and Seasoned Mothers on Mothers’ Day?
If your partner has not had a mother’s day before then it’s time to step up, Dads, and make your mark on her special day. If she’s had many Mother’s Days before, make this one the one she’ll remember with joy.
20 Hints for a Unique Mother’s Day:
- Let her sleep late!
This is the prime, number 1 gift to give. She gets to sleep until she naturally rises in the morning or afternoon!
- Help your kids during the week each make a present for her especially from them. Buying is fine but creating your own gift is even more special.
Be Present When it Matters
Parents need to be around when it matters for their kids – crisis times such as down days, difficult exams, relationship breakdowns, changes in family dynamics and important transition times. How do you know what stresses them out? How do you make it clear that you are available anytime your child needs to talk.
How Do You Recognize What is a Crisis for Your Child?
- Notice mood changes. If you have a usually gregarious child who has been blocking everyone out, something is probably on his mind.
- If you have a more reserved child, but they seem scattered and disorganized which is out of character, again pay attention.
Why Do I Apologize for My Child When He Acts Like a Kid in Public?
The other day I was visiting a preschool and talking with a parent whose adorable six-year-old was wearing a pirate mask and carrying a play sword. He came up to me to me and said, “I’m scaring you!” I said “Oh-h-h. I’m so scared!” He smiled appreciably. Immediately the mother apologized for her son’s rude behavior. I commented, “Oh. He’s adorable. And so scary, too!” She grinned, her embarrassment turning into laughter and confidence.
Why do parents expect their kids to behave like adults when they are in the presence of other adults? It makes no sense. Kids are supposed to be playing and expecting to delight people. This gives them confidence and is developmentally on target. Why expect anything else?
Stages in Adolescence: Early, Middle, and Late Development
Understanding stages in adolescence is very important to parents when they want to comprehend what their teens are going through. Their chronological age may not correspond to their developmental age so perceptions may be different than what is expected.
Early Adolescence
Early adolescence is a time when kids begin to separate from their parents internally and physically. This creates a kind of loss for kids who may be despondent without knowing why. To find realistic disappointments in parents who have seemed so influential and authoritative is a shift in the teen’s understanding of themselves in relation to their parents. Reality sets in. Parents aren’t perfect and powerful. It’s important for parents to recognize the change without feeling badly about it but in fact learning to collaborate more with their child in solving problems.
Parenting Kids Through Separation Anxiety
Separation Anxiety in The Early Years
During the first three years of life, kids are just beginning to understand that their parents have not vanished when they can no longer be seen. Some children take longer than others to understand this. Those who find this difficult often experience separation anxiety, feelings that their parents are absent and cannot be reached. They feel alone and sometimes abandoned. Parents can take several steps to ease the transitions:
- When you know you will be stepping out of the room, simply explain where you are going and when you’ll be back so kids begin to understand time passing doesn’t mean you have disappeared.
When Teens Say, “NO!” – Finding Meaning Behind Behavior
Does your teen often say,”NO”? Don’t react. Listen. You may learn a lot!!
Do you have an oppositional teen and you’re at your wits end? Think of their naysaying as a communication and your mindset shifts rapidly. Your teen wants to tell you something, but they don’t know how, so they just say “NO” to everything and seem defiant. But behind the anger, is a message for the parent to decipher to bring the teen back into the fold and closer to you. Here’s how.
Tips for Parents Whose Teens Say, “NO”
Rushing to Work When Your Child Has Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is a problem for parents when they need to go to work. This creates a conflict for a busy parent rushing in the early morning hours. What to do?
Because your child has separation anxiety, always leave at least half an hour of free time before you leave for work. This probably means getting up earlier, but it’s worth it.
- Listen to your crying child’s words of fear about you leaving. Paraphrase their worry so they know you listened and care. (“I know you’re upset I’m leaving the house now. It’s distressing.”)