Unlocking Parental Intelligence – Endorsements

Winner of the Gold Mom’s Choice Awards

REVIEWS

Publishers Weekly

“Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior”

Hollman, known for her articles on “parental intelligence,” a term she coined, lays out her philosophy in this book. She devotes Part One to the five steps required for achieving this kind of intelligence: stepping back; self-reflecting; understanding your child’s mind; understanding your child’s development; and problem-solving. Part two lays out eight case studies drawn from Hollman’s psychotherapy practice, spanning the parent-child relationship from infancy to late adolescence, and demonstrating how using the five steps will solve behavior problems. A brief Part Three suggests the broader good to society that will follow when children are raised under this philosophy. The underlying principle is that all behavior has meaning, but not necessarily the meaning that first occurs to parents. By understanding this meaning, parents can better respond to their children’s behavior. This is a well-written, easy-to-understand book that offers parents useful tools for reflecting on their relationships to their children. Whether they can gain significant insight into their own behavior without aid from a trusted therapist is a question that will remain. Nevertheless, Hollman has penned a worthwhile read with a helpful template for handling fraught situations without resorting to kneejerk responses. (Oct.)

 

Joyful Family Life

“Unlocking Parental Intelligence Book Review”

Attention parents:
Have you ever desired to find meaning in your child’s behavior?
Do you often feel frustrated or stuck in your attempts to find peace at home?
If so, then I am happy to recommend a book that will help you find the answers you are seeking.
Recently, I read through Unlocking Parental Intelligence by Dr. Laurie Hollman, in which the author beautifully describes how parents can find wisdom and meaning in their child’s behavior. A skilled clinician and writer, Dr. Hollman easily guides mothers and fathers through a new mindset for parenting skills. Along the way she teaches her “5 Steps to Parental Intelligence.” With patience and open-minds, parents can prepare for tough conversations with family members, enhance loving bonds, and solve problems at home. You will learn how your child’s behavior or misbehavior has multiple meanings, and you’ll learn many possible reactions to misbehavior.

After three decades as a psychoanalyst, Dr. Hollman encourages parents, “I’m going to lead you up a path that enlightens, uplifts, and relieves you as you learn how to unmask the meanings behind your child’s behavior.” She coined the term Parental Intelligence because she believes “parenting requires the persistence and rigor of an intelligence that can be honed with the right tools and life experience.”

In her book, she teaches parents about these necessary tools:

1. Stepping Back
2. Self-Reflecting
3. Understanding Your Child’s Mind
4. Understanding Your Child’s Development
5. Problem Solving

As you read Unlocking Parental Intelligence, you’ll gain more insight into your own childhood experiences and how those memories shaped your parenting style. As parents step back and understand their own hearts, the path to correcting their child’s misbehavior will be clear. I appreciate the sound advice to take your child’s development and personality into account when arranging discipline. If followed, Dr. Hollman’s advice will increase a parental confidence in handling tough situations at home. More love, patience, and understand will abound.

After explaining her 5 steps in great detail, Dr. Hollman teaches parents through examples. The second half of her book describes families going through this discovery and application process to enhance their parenting skills. Dr. Hollman guides you through their stories and offers explanations of how each parent grew during Steps 1-5. As you read, I’m sure you’ll feel a connection with one of the example parents.

You’ll read about some young parents who learn to correctly bond with their infant daughter, while overcoming their own rocky past experiences. You’ll see how parents can have a positive impact on their teenagers. You’ll read about parents who learn to manage diagnoses of Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD in their children. Like many of you, these example parents struggle with marital discord, career aspirations, childhood trauma, and mental health issues. The children in these stories struggle against body image, jealousy, fear, attachment problems, social isolation, self-esteem, and more. You’ll see countless examples of how quiet attentiveness and listening skills help parents – adoptive and biological – understand their children’s perception, which leads to successful bonding and growth. By reading their stories, it is evident that Dr. Hollman’s steps to parental intelligence are effective. The process takes time, an open heart, and a willingness to communicate, but the results can be so fulfilling.

Unlocking Parental Intelligence is a fantastic resource for parents, whether you are raising infants or Millennials. In an easy to read format, Dr. Hollman reassures parents that they can find meaning in their child’s behavior and nurture love at home. By overcoming our own weaknesses and reaching out in love to our children, our homes will be strengthened. Confidence in family relationships will flourish.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to every parent. Order it after October 13, 2015 on Familius or Amazon.

 

With Pen & Paper

“Just Five Steps to a More Harmonious Family Life” Helga Schier, Editor

Reading Unlocking Parental Intelligence opened my eyes to the hidden meaning of my children’s behavior. No longer do I simply get frustrated when my kids behave in ways that find my disapproval; no longer do I assume that the behavior is a sign of disrespect or failure to listen; no longer do I immediately correct the behavior. Instead, I pause and ask myself what hidden message the behavior might send. Don’t misunderstand me, I still get frustrated and annoyed, and I still can’t wait for the behavior to stop. Yet with the help of Laurie Hollman’s Unlocking Parental Intelligence I have learned to work through these emotions in ways that are constructive for our entire family. Every parent should read Unlocking Parental Intelligence. In fact, everyone—child or no child—should read it, for not only children’s behaviors have hidden meanings. We send signals with everything we do and don’t do, with everything we say and don’t say, and often our signals get crossed. That is where Unlocking Parental Intelligence comes in. Laurie Hollman teaches us how to step back to consider not only the meaning behind our children’s (mis)behavior, but also the meaning behind our reaction to them. The five steps—1. pause and step back, 2. self-reflect, 3. consider your child’s mindset, 4. consider your child’s developmental stage, and finally 5. problem solve—help you focus on any parent’s real goal, which is maintaining a positive relationship to your child and creating a harmonious family life based on mutual respect, trust, and understating. Unlocking Parental Intelligence begins by offering an explanation of the basic tenets behind the five steps, moves on to astute and informative stories illustrating the five steps, and ends with Dr. Hollman’s vision of how the new parental mindset can positively impact society at large. Ms. Hollman’s gentle prose makes this an enjoyable and insightful read.

 

Thinking Child. Com
“A Great New Parenting Book” Myrna Shure, Drexel University, Author of Raising a Thinking Child
Laurie Hollman has given parents an important, groundbreaking approach to discipline — by guiding their children’s behavior, not negative punishments for misbehaviors. As parents come to understand their child’s point of view, they come to better understand their own. How this reciprocal relationship impacts how parents handle misbehaviors is a breakthrough that Hollman explains in an easy-to-follow 5-step process. How each step leads to the next is engagingly illustrated in riveting fictional accounts of real behaviors — stories that make it hard to put this book down. By Unlocking Parental Intelligence, Hollman gives us reading that no one who cares about healthy family functioning will want to miss. Myrna Shure, Author of Raising a Thinking Child
Changing Behavior Website
“Those Who Have Ever Felt Frustrated withe Those They Love the Most” Dr. James D. Sutton, Psychologist
Dr. Hollman has written a ground-breaking book that gives us fresh insight into the parent-child relationship. She helps us understand how the behaviors of children and teens often have powerful underlying meanings, and that understanding and addressing those meanings can solve real-life problems in effective, relationship-building ways. This is a must read for all parents, but especially those who have ever felt frustrated with those they love the most.
“A Book That Delves Deeper Than Superficial Techniques” Richard Hollman, actor, writer, musician
Finally there’s a book that delves deeper than superficial techniques in helping parents understand their children’s inner lives and explain their outward behavior. ‘Unlocking Parental Intelligence’ is a must read for parents of children of any age as well as professionals. Grab it!

 

 

PROESSIONALS WHO TREAT, TEACH, AND RESEARCH INFANTS, CHILDREN, ADOLESCENTS AND PARENTS

Dr. Laurie Hollman’s book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence, has accomplished a notable feat in describing sophisticated theories of child development and behavior and offering a window into the inner workings of the minds of parents and children while managing to make these ideas clear and easily accessible to parents. The book is clearly and beautifully written and Dr. Hollman conveys throughout a non-judgmental, non-critical stance where the reader feels her genuine empathy for the parent and child and their struggles. Her empathy transforms the parents intLaurie Hollman, Author

Hollman, known for her articles on “parental intelligence,” a term she coined, lays out her philosophy in this book. She devotes Part One to the five steps required for achieving this kind of intelligence: stepping back; self-reflecting; understanding your child’s mind; understanding your child’s development; and problem-solving. Part two lays out eight case studies drawn from Hollman’s psychotherapy practice, spanning the parent-child relationship from infancy to late adolescence, and demonstrating how using the five steps will solve behavior problems. A brief Part Three suggests the broader good to society that will follow when children are raised under this philosophy. The underlying principle is that all behavior has meaning, but not necessarily the meaning that first occurs to parents. By understanding this meaning, parents can better respond to their children’s behavior. This is a well-written, easy-to-understand book that offers parents useful tools for reflecting on their relationships to their children. Whether they can gain significant insight into their own behavior without aid from a trusted therapist is a question that will remain. Nevertheless, Hollman has penned a worthwhile read with a helpful template for handling fraught situations without resorting to kneejerk responses. (Oct.)
o becoming more empathic with their children.

What distinguishes her guide from other parenting books is her emphasis on the important need “to understand” the meaning behind the misbehavior of the child or adolescent, rather than assuming to know what the misbehavior means and reacting in the moment. She offers ‘stories,’ about eight children and their parents and takes you along on each of the journeys, while describing the parents’ gradual awakening that leads to insight about their child and also to greater self-knowledge. Of special note is Dr. Hollman’s ability to enable parents to look deeply into their own minds and to understand how their past generational histories are carried over into their feelings and dealings with their own children.

This is a very admirable parenting book. I strongly recommend this book to mental health professionals and educators working with children and adolescents, who could also use it as a text book for child therapists.
—Phyllis Beren, PhD, Co-Director, Institute for Psychoanalytic Training and Research Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy Program, NY, NY; Training and Supervising Analyst at the Institute for Psychoanalytic Training and Research and the Contemporary Freudian Society.

 

An unwavering parent-child connection is the most protective force in our kids’ lives. It is critical to whether they will be resilient today and poised to thrive tomorrow. Reacting impulsively to our children’s actions can interfere with our ability to make wise decisions, and even damage the stability of our connections. Dr. Hollman’s practical model offers us a framework to easily access the innate Parental Intelligence that allows us to feel fully and think and respond effectively. Her detailed examples masterfully make these strategies our own as we learn to better understand our children. This book will undoubtedly foster the kind of connections that will position us to better prepare our children to navigate their lives safely and successfully.
–Kenneth R Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed., Professor of Pediatrics, Division of Adolescent Medicine, The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine; Author, Building Resilience in Children and Teens and Raising Kids to Thrive.

 

With candor and compassion, Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., teaches parents about Parental Intelligence. In her ground-breaking book, she draws on contemporary child development theory offering parents an easy-to-follow, five-step program for conflict resolution. Parents will learn how to understand the underlying determinants to their child’s behavior, how to “read” non-verbal as well as verbal communication, and how to create an open dialogue. As an experienced child and family therapist, Dr. Hollman is in a unique position to talk to parents. She provides fictionalized accounts of real problems. Dr. Hollman teaches parents how to understand their own expectations, listen to their child’s communication, and take into account the meaning behind the child’s behavior and how it relates to their developmental level. Along the way, parents will build a stronger, healthier bond with their child. Just as Dr. Hollman teaches parents to interact more effectively and empathically with their children, she writes with empathy and understanding as she teaches parents this proven and user-friendly method of parenting. Dr. Hollman’s book is an essential guide for every parent.

–Rena Greenblatt, PhD, Psychoanalyst; Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychologist; Learning Disabilities and ADHD Specialist; Faculty, New York University.

 

Dr. Laurie Hollman’s informative and highly engaging new book, taps into resources parents possess and provides a useful approach to creating the kind of parent-child relationship that promotes child development and parenting satisfaction. Dr. Hollman illustrates through vivid examples, with which all parents will be able to identify, how emotional triggers can sabotage empathy and she demonstrates how her Five Steps to ‘Unlocking Parental Intelligence’ lead to problem solving. It is essential reading for all parents and professionals who seek a greater understanding of children’s behavior and their own reactions to it.

—Ilene Sackler Lefcourt, Director, Sackler Lefcourt Center for Child Development, NY, NY; Faculty, Faculty, Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research Parent-Infant Program

 

Children, no matter how old they are, often express with their troubled behaviors a wish to communicate. The challenge is to decipher their message. Laurie Hollman, PhD, shows us with talent, how one may think about a family history in a transgenerational mode and resituate the child’s departure from their usual ways in this context. Guided this way, parents can adjust their focus to the needs of their children and find their way out of devastating impasses. By using a precise description of blocked family situations, she shows us how to take consideration of unconscious transmission in parental situations and slowly unknot conflicts. With this book, Dr. Hollman provides a precious accompaniment for families.
–Myriam Szejer, MD, Child psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, Montrouge, France; Faculty, University of Versailles-Saint Quentin en Yvelines; author, Talking to Babies: Healing with Words on a Maternity Ward.

 

Dr. Laurie Hollman’s book has been extremely clarifying and helpful to me, not only as a parent and step-parent, but also as a psychologist in my clinical work with families. Dr. Hollman possesses an exceptional gift in providing parents with the confidence to unlock the door to the tools they already possess to enhance their understanding and enjoyment of one of life’s greatest gifts – their children – thereby enabling parents, through self-reflection, empathy, and wisdom, to cultivate their children’s optimal development within a loving and secure family framework. This book is also very helpful to parents whose children have pervasive developmental disorders and other special needs.

Dr. Hollman also gives us promise for future generations of children raised with Parental Intelligence who grow up and want to be leaders. Learning the skills of Parental Intelligence is a source for instilling creative interpersonal, problem solving, and leadership abilities essential to fulfilling, productive lives in the next generation who will lead us in many local, national, and global arenas.

— Lynn Seskin, PsyD, School and Clinical Psychologist, Specialty in the Treatment of Children and Adolescents with Pervasive Developmental Disorders

 

Theory of mind– that is, understanding people as mental beings– is a key topic in Developmental Psychology research. And Parental Intelligence is theory of mind in action! Dr. Hollman’s excellent book shows how you can be aware of your own thoughts and feelings while also keeping in mind your child’s different thoughts and feelings. This mindset can help solve behavior problems without using punishment.

–Janet Wilde Astington, PhD, Professor Emerita, Institute of Child Study, Department of Human Development and Applied Psychology, University of Toronto; editor, Minds in the Making

 

So often, families are stuck. Concerned and caring parents feel that they have tried everything and just don’t know what to do. In this very helpful book, psychoanalyst Laurie Hollman, PhD, wisely encourages us to take a step back. Dr. Hollman teaches parents to ask why, to listen with greater empathy, and look for the meaning in their children’s behavior. She shows that when we do this, we will have better relationships with our children and help them find better solutions to the problems in their lives.

–Kenneth Barish, Ph.D., Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology, Weill Medical College, Cornell University; author of Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems.

 

Dr. Laurie Hollman’s book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence, is a clear and concise guide to parenting. Learning to understand the meaning of a child’s behavior and dealing with it in an empathic, problem-solving way is an effective approach to raising children who are self-confident and able to eventually understand and control their own behaviors. This is a guide to thoughtful parenting that is dynamic and aids both the parent and the child in feeling able to adjust to changing issues as the child goes through different developmental stages. It is a book I will recommend to my patients and the techniques are helpful to teach to therapists who work with issues related to parenting.

–Marie Oppedisano, PhD, Psychoanalyst; Child and Adolescent Clinical Psychologist; served as researcher, Long Island Jewish-Hillside Medical Center, New Hyde Park, NY

 

As well as being highly rewarding being a parent can also be challenging. Dr. Laurie Hollman’s book provides an approach through which parents can resolve difficulties with their children by understanding their children’s actions as well as reflecting on their own reactions. She illustrates her approach with many insightful examples of working out difficulties with children in ways that should result in parents enjoying their children even more.
–Jeremy Carpendale, PhD, Professor, Developmental Psychology, Simon Fraser University, Burnaby, British Columbia, author, How Children Develop Social Understanding

Laurie Hollman has given parents an important, groundbreaking approach to discipline — by guiding their children’s behavior, not negative punishments for misbehaviors. As parents come to understand their child’s point of view, they come to better understand their own. How this reciprocal relationship impacts how parents handle misbehaviors is a breakthrough that Hollman explains in an easy-to-follow 5-step process. How each step leads to the next is engagingly illustrated in riveting fictional accounts of real behaviors — stories that make it hard to put this book down. By Unlocking Parental Intelligence, Hollman gives us reading that no one who cares about healthy family functioning will want to miss.
–Myrna Shure, Ph.D., Professor, Department of Psychology, Drexel University, Phila., PA, author, Raising a Thinking Child.

This enlightening book offers a clear, practical approach to parenting that promotes relationships between parent and child. Dr. Hollman presents insightful parenting skills by sharing real-to-life family histories, experiences, and solutions. Parents are encouraged to learn from their own past histories, given permission to have made mistakes in how they handled situations with their child, and shown how to move to a more positive understanding and resolution of the current ‘crisis.’ The families we get to know have children of different ages, different marital situations, and different challenges that make their families unique, yet familiar. Through use of the steps taught in the book parents are led to realize that the ‘offense’ is not always the behavior that must be adjusted. The plan encourages communication between parent and child which will lead to smoother resolution of future issues. What I like best about this beautifully well-written approach is that it will facilitate a calmer environment in the home and family with more productive dialogue between the parents and betwe

Laurie Hollman has given parents an important, groundbreaking approach to discipline — by guiding their children’s behavior, not negative punishments for misbehaviors. As parents come to understand their child’s point of view, they come to better understand their own. How this reciprocal relationship impacts how parents handle misbehaviors is a breakthrough that Hollman explains in an easy-to-follow 5-step process. How each step leads to the next is engagingly illustrated in riveting fictional accounts of real behaviors — stories that make it hard to put this book down. By Unlocking Parental Intelligence, Hollman gives us reading that no one who cares about healthy family functioning will want to miss.
–Myrna Shure, Author of Raising a Thinking Child, Drexel University, Department of Psychology 3141 Chestnut St, Stratton, #119, Phila., PA 19104

en parent and child.
—Dottie Del Gaudio, MSEd, Director and Teacher, UMC Nursery School, Huntington-Cold Spring Harbor, NY

 

Magazine Editor

It is my pleasure as Editor of Moms Magazine, a community of parenting experts and moms sharing real-life experiences of parenthood, to say that Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is one of our go-to experts because she provides a clear approach to guide moms on their parenthood journey through her Parental Intelligence model. We live in a fast-paced world and never before have we seen such a shift in the way we live our lives with social media, the 24-hour news cycle and emerging technologies – and this all applies to parenting, too. There is so much information out there — and so many opinions. We need an expert voice, like Dr.Laurie Hollman’s, who can help break through the clutter and give us easy-to-follow advice that tells us what to think about as we parent. This is what our readers want, and it is presented in Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior.
–Judy I. Cohen, Managing Editor, Moms Magazine

 

Parent

“ ‘Insightful’ is the word I would use to best describe this book. It has helped me to better understand my children and, therefore, myself. Dr. Hollman has mapped out an approach to parenting that has already saved me countless heart aches. This book is a must for any concerned parent interested in their children’s well-being and capacity to become responsible adults.”

Bruce Wichard, Divorced Father of Eleven-Year-Old Twin Boys

 

Unlocking Parental Intelligence