Are You Living with a Narcissist? – Endorsements
“Dr. Laurie Hollman artfully re-frames the delicious notion of healthy infantile narcissism that makes babies so irresistible and entertaining, but when exaggerated by troubled adolescents and grown men in malignant or malicious ways, this quite difficult brand of self-pre-occupation, creates major upheavals and chaos in personal relations. Hollman invites the reader to venture into the lonely world of males striving to complete themselves through an illusion of self-sufficiency, and self-importance, in which family members, or close others are expected to fill the deeper narcissistic void, by becoming a devoted audience, or a stunning libidinal ideal. Hollman brings us stories of family origins of self-love gone astray. Professional or financial success for a narcissistic male covers over deep pain and resentments of lost love, usually occurring within the initial three years of development. Throughout the pages we view the male narcissist’s many attempts at controlling others, to ensure entitlements or adulation; with rageful, depressing consequences when frustrated or disappointed. The chapter on self-psychology and Kohut in particular, resonates with the notion of how important mirroring was and still is to the narcissistically impaired, and families are likely to benefit from the non-pathological explanation of problems with narcissistic relating, and from carefully reviewing Hollman’s evocative examples throughout the book.
“Hollman’s chapters are well crafted and informative, appealing to a wide audience: Mental health professionals, men and their family members can benefit from the themes and poignant reflections on the evolution and cultural content, together with detailed family systems material. Another audience for this volume are high school health class teachers, who deal with young people every day. Adolescents are striving for direction in learning coping skills, in a world of social media saturation; adolescent yearnings will find rich materials for classroom exploration and in home family conversations.
“The book has no happy endings. What is clear in the reading is that Dr. Laurie Hollman’s experiences and exposures to narcissistic extravagance, in treatment, and in observations of families over time and culture, leads to an insightful conclusion: Rearing a stable, resilient and satisfied child is not a matter of all or none. No one size fits all. Optimal frustration combined with affection, guidance, and give and take, are most useful tools. Narcissistic supplies are nurturing throughout life. Everyone benefits from self-awareness and awareness of other’s needs. Mutuality may not be easily acquired, depending on how narcissistic strivings are processed in family life. Hollman’s new book offers a primer that is a guide to learning and thinking seriously about how we raise children, males in particular. While mother’s role is emphasized, male and female parents have opportunities to pick up on the-what- and-how male children require a particular sensitivity to what is expected of them throughout early development.”
—Carl Bagnini, LCSW, BCD, Psychoanalyst; The Adelphi Derner Postgraduate Programs in Psychoanalysis, and Couple Therapy; Faculty, Adelphi Doctoral Clinical Psychology Program
“Dr. Hollman provides a fascinating look into narcissistic personality disorder in men from its origins in the first three years of life to its manifestation in adulthood, noting the nuances between healthy self-esteem and pathological narcissism. As she did in her groundbreaking book Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior, Dr. Hollman combines compelling research with compassionate real-life stories that illustrate how women (mothers, daughters, wives) can make sense of—and better manage—these complex relationships. From how not to raise a narcissist to living with one, Hollman provides a probing perspective on a timely topic that, at times, seems to be a national epidemic.
—Marcelle Soviero, former Owner and Editor-in-Chief of “Brain Child and Brain Teen Magazines;” author, An Iridescent Life, Essays on Motherhood; Editorial Advisory Board, Creative Nonfiction Magazine; Founder, Marcelle Ink, coaching and consulting for writers and creatives
“Dr. Hollman brings thoughtful and compassionate insight into the formation and perpetuation of the narcissistic personality from multiple perspectives and contexts. By incorporating her parental intelligence approach, fresh discoveries from her clinical work, and established models of intervention, Dr. Hollman’s book will serve as a useful guide for couples, families, and professionals to identify and more effectively deal with elements of narcissism and create a foundation upon which to build new family legacies of health and recovery.”
—Lynn Seskin, Psy.D., Clinical Psychologist; Behavioral Medicine Associates of New York; Behavioral Medicine of Pennsylvania
“Are You Living with a Narcissist? How Narcissistic Men Impact Your Happiness, How to Identify Them, and How to Avoid Raising One by Laurie Hollman, PhD. offers timely insights into a range of narcissistic types, from a healthy narcissistic stance through pathological and exploitive narcissism. Dr. Hollman has created a work that has woven her own clinical experience and discussion of case studies, blending potential psychotherapeutic interventions with clinical sensitivity. The integration of current DSM V criteria within a psychoanalytic framework blends multiple system approaches and is infinitely readable as well as informative. It is appropriate for both mental health professionals as well as for the general public.”
—Marcy E Mostel, MD., Medical Director CAPE (1989-2016); Private Practice as a Psychiatrist
“An important book for anyone wanting to understand the concept of narcissism and the impact of narcissistic husbands and fathers on wives and children. Dr. Hollman’s knowledge and experience are evident in her discussion of the childhood environment that contributes to the development of narcissistic men and her case studies which are very much on target. She provides family members of narcissists clear advice on recognizing and coping with this situation. Readers will find the book interesting, informative and helpful.”
—Karyl Gilbert Cole, MD, Distinguished Life Fellow, American Psychiatric Association; Voluntary Attending Psychiatrist, the Zucker Hillside Hospital
“Narcissism is a complex clinical concept that has been overused and misinterpreted as it becomes part of the public conversation. Dr Hollman has provided a comprehensive explanation that will be a great service to those struggling to understand difficulties with their children, spouses, parents, students and public figures.”
—Kathleen Hushion, LCSW, Psychoanalyst