OUT DATED CONTROVERSY BETWEEN

STAY-HOME MOTHERS” AND “WORKING MOTHERS”

I’ve noticed lately that there still seems to be a controversy between what are referred to as “Stay-at- Home Mothers” and“Working Mothers.”

Since all mothers work at child care, it is a very outdated conflict that needs to be removed from the annals of Motherhood literature so mothers can join hands and support one another.

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THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT

I believe that the controversy began in the seventies when the feminist movement was encouraging women to fulfill their aspirations. If that meant getting out of the kitchen and into corporate headquarters with equal pay to men, it was indeed long in coming.

However, it never meant, leave your babies behind to be neglected. It did, however, leave in its wake unsettling feelings about the respect mothers should get for mothering that we all know now, if it wasn’t clearly stated then, is a great intellectual and emotional job that supports the life and growth of human beings and lasts for a lifetime once its begun.

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“QUALITY OF CARE” VERSUS “QUANTITY OF CARE”

The controversy shifted somewhat to one about “quality of care” versus “quantity of care” another misnomer because all care should be of high quality.

Generally, until the recent respect given to “stay-at-home-fathers,” mothers spent and continue to spend endless hours organizing child care whether that meant they did the whole job by themselves or shared the care with others who they instructed on every detail about their children whom they knew best.

Also, the quality-quantity issue didn’t work because when your ten-year-old son or daughter comes home scared by a bully or your fifteen-year-old son or daughter has just had a heart broken by their latest heart-throb, you may or may not actually be at home at the moment you are needed. You may not be home when your child gets up the nerve to talk to you about their struggle.

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BEING HOME WHEN YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOU

Also, remember that all those mothers who “stay-at-home” aren’t actually at home all the time. They run parent-teacher organizations, do fund-raising for remarkable causes, go to the gym, and food shop.

No one, not one mother, is home all day ready at any moment for a crisis. Honestly, it’s only for the invention of the cell phone that children are given at younger and younger ages that a mother can really know in the moment when she is needed.

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PARENTING REQUIRES A SPECIAL KIND OF INTELLIGENCE

So, where do we go from here? Clearly, all mothers need to unite. What they need to unite about is the knowledge about children needed for mothering.

This is something I call, Parental Intelligence. This concept gives full recognition to the idea that parenting is a difficult job that requires a special kind of intelligence. This is the natural or learned ability to find a meeting ground with your child from infancy to adolescence by finding the full meanings in your child’s behaviors and other communications.

It means understanding your child from their point of view so you can solve problems together.

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FIVE STEPS TO PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE

The FIVE STEPS TO PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE are a successful tool for parents with ‘typical’ children as well as parents with special-needs children. This approach crosses all lines of economic or social class and education.It is rewarding and long lasting as it is passed through generations.

Parental Intelligence requires hard emotional work that bears the fruit of strong parent-child bonds and lasting maturity for parents and children. Gaining Parental Intelligence is a rewarding endeavor that requires the capacity to

(1) step back and assess a situation without reacting impulsively;

(2) self-reflect so that you can understand your reactions to your child that may have early origins;

(3) spend time comprehending how your child’s mind is working (what they might be thinking, feeling, intending, imagining);

(4) evaluate how your child’s development is progressing;

(5) problem solve together about the essential troubles or struggles.              

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This is about introspection, empathy, open dialogue, and love.

Mothering with parental intelligence is tantamount

to rocket science just down here on earth!